i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
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