Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
