Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
So vagazzling was a success
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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