Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Randomize
