Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
then he tried to convert me to islam
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
