a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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