I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
