Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
