Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize