Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
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