I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Randomize
