it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
either way he was missing a nipple.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
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