You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
