He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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