he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
His nipple licking is glorious
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