last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Randomize
