Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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