I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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