So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Randomize
