They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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