My hand turned me down
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize