Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
She's like a pop up book from hell.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
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