3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Randomize
