He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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