the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
