i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
BRING THE BAGELS
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize