What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
