The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
