Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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