'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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