All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
