Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Randomize
