I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Sacagawea was the original milf.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
