Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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