recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
