in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
