My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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