i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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