Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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