I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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