You're completely useless in the revolution.
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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