why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
