and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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