Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
