Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
