stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
