bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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