Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
