So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
