i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
