FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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