This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Randomize
