I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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