your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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