Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
