rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
