Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
