FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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