Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
