Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
