How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize