Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
