We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I have already put on my inside pants.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
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