I can't watch pbs sober anymore
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
