allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
organizing the empties. That sober.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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