i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
