And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
