Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Two words: nipple clamps
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