I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
