I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
